Why Am I So Tense? A Modern Guide to Tackling Tension

Feeling perpetually wound up—shoulders hunched, jaw clenched, mind racing? It’s all too easy to let daily stresses accumulate until tension becomes our default state. At Positive Mind Works, we believe that learning to unwind isn’t indulgence, but a vital act of self‑care. In this guide, we’ll explore why tension builds, how it affects your body and mind, and evidence‑based strategies to restore calm and resilience.

Tension isn’t simply a physical phenomenon—it’s the body’s way of signalling that something in our environment or mindset feels unsafe. When we face ongoing pressures (deadlines, family demands, financial worries, our nervous system shifts into “alert” mode, releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Over time, this fight‑or‑flight response becomes chronically activated, leading to muscle tightness, headaches, digestive issues, and even sleep disturbances. An article by Harvard Health Publishing puts it nicely, stating

Chronic low-level stress keeps the HPA (hypothalamic pituitary and adrenal axis) activated, much like a motor that is idling too high for too long. Our nervous system shifts into “alert” mode, via the hypothalamic pituitary and adrenal axis (HPA), releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.

Recognising that tension is a whole‑body reaction to perceived threat is the first step toward undoing it.

Many of us equate relaxation with laziness, carrying guilt whenever we try to pause. Yet, the inability to rest often stems from an overactive mind that’s wired to problem‑solve or ruminate. Anxiety, perfectionism, or unresolved trauma can keep mental circuits humming long after the daylight fades. Research in psychophysiology shows that persistent mental stress tightens muscles and raises blood pressure—so what feels like “just a headache” may actually be your psyche screaming for a break.

Building awareness is key. Set an hourly reminder—on your phone or computer—to pause and scan your body. Notice your shoulders, jaw, hands, and feet: are they tense? If so, take three slow, deep breaths while consciously relaxing those areas. This micro‑pause interrupts the stress cycle, signalling to your brain that it’s safe to shift gears. Within days, you’ll cultivate the habit of unwinding even in the busiest moments.

Breathing isn’t just about oxygen—it’s a direct line to your autonomic nervous system. Try this simple exercise twice daily (morning and evening): sit comfortably, place one hand on your belly, and inhale slowly for a count of four, feeling your abdomen rise. Pause for a beat, then exhale for a count of six. Repeat for two minutes. This diaphragmatic breathing slows your heart rate, reduces cortisol levels, and resets your stress response.

A sedentary lifestyle exacerbates tension by locking muscles in place. Gentle movement—yoga, Pilates, tai chi, or even a brisk walk—stimulates lymphatic drainage, decreases inflammation, and releases endorphins. For a targeted approach, try daily shoulder rolls, neck stretches, and wrist circles at your desk. If you can, step outside and stretch toward the sky; fresh air and natural light further enhance mood and physical relaxation.

Our brains need downtime that isn’t dedicated to “doing.” Engaging in a hobby—gardening, sketching, playing music, or knitting—provides a therapeutic escape. Studies in art therapy and leisure science show that creative activities reduce rumination and improve emotional regulation. In their paper Being Creative Makes You Happier: The Positive Effect of Creativity on Subjective Well-Being, the researchers found that “participants were happier and more active when they were performing something creative”.

Even five minutes of doodling or colouring can shift your focus away from stressors and into a flow state, where time seems to stand still.

While our devices keep us connected, they also bombard us with notifications and cognitive demands. Schedule regular “tech‑free” intervals: no phone, no email, no social media. Use that time to walk, journal, or simply sit in silence. You’ll find that stepping away from screens not only eases mental tension but improves sleep quality and deepens real‑world connections.

Poor sleep both results from and contributes to tension. Aim for 7–9 hours of quality rest by maintaining a consistent bedtime routine: dim the lights an hour before sleep, avoid screens, and wind down with a calming ritual such as reading or a warm shower. If worries keep you awake, keep a “worry journal” by your bed—jot down concerns to address tomorrow, freeing your mind to relax.

Talking through stress with friends, family, or colleagues can defuse tension simply by naming it. Shared laughter or commiseration activates social‑bonding hormones like oxytocin, which counteract cortisol. If you need deeper support, consider group workshops on stress management or reach out to our psychologists for individual or group counselling—because even the strongest minds benefit from expert guidance.

If tension persists despite self‑help strategies, it may be time to seek professional assistance. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help you reframe unhelpful thought patterns, while mindfulness‑based stress reduction (MBSR) teaches you to observe stress without judgment. At Positive Mind Works, our clinicians specialise in evidence‑based techniques designed to restore calm and build lasting resilience.

Tension may be a natural reaction to life’s demands, but it doesn’t have to define your days. By combining simple daily practices—body scans, breathwork, movement, creative hobbies—with digital breaks and social support, you can retrain your nervous system to rest and replenish. If you’d like personalised guidance, book a 20‑minute taster session ($19) with one of our experienced psychologists here.

Your wellbeing is worth the time—let’s help you unwind, together.