Five Ways to Calm the Storm
Many of us experience moments when our emotions feel overwhelming – when anger, sadness, or anxiety rise like a storm and threaten to take over. Learning how to manage these moments is central to good mental health and emotional wellbeing. Therapies such as Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ACT, and mindfulness-based approaches all provide practical skills to help us “ride the wave” of our emotions rather than be swept away. Below are five strategies that can support you in calming the storm.
1. Prevention: Get the Basics Right
One of the most effective ways to manage intense emotions is to build resilience before the storm even arrives. In DBT, these are often referred to as “ PLEASE skills,” which remind us to take care of our Physical health, treat Illness, maintain balanced Eating, avoid mood-Altering substances, get enough Sleep, and Exercise regularly. When these foundations are in place, our “window of tolerance” (Siegel, 1999) widens, meaning we are better able to cope with stress without tipping into emotional overwhelm.
2. Get to Know Your Triggers
Understanding what sparks emotional dysregulation can be a powerful step towards responding appropriately when big emotions arise. This requires adopting a curious, non-judgemental mindset—becoming a scientist of your own emotions. Were you feeling invalidated by someone’s words? Did an unexpected event catch you off guard? Or perhaps you were already vulnerable because of HALT—Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired—all states that can intensify emotional responses.
Once we can understand our triggers, we can know when we are triggered, and when a mindful response is needed. A helpful ACT strategy in response to being triggered is to “drop anchor” (Harris, 2019) by pausing to name the emotion you are feeling: “This is anger. This is fear.” Naming emotions engages the thinking brain, reducing the intensity of the storm. Further to this, if you are able to name what your trigger is: “this is anger, and it is because I felt misunderstood.” – then we can begin to self-soothe.
3. When in the Storm: STOP and Proceed Mindfully
When emotions surge, it can feel tempting to react immediately. But take a second and think back to the last time you felt an intense emotion come over you – how long did it take you to be able to feel settled enough again to proceed? The DBT skill STOP (Stop, Take a step back, Observe, and Proceed mindfully) encourages us to pause before acting, to allow us to take more time to proceed when in distress.
This moment of reflection allows us to step into our “observer self” and notice what is happening, rather than being controlled by it. In noticing what is happening, we can make key decisions to help us during distress, such as delaying important decisions, or judgements about ourselves or others until the emotional storm subsides. Mindfulness practices, such as focusing on your breath or grounding yourself in your senses, can support this pause. (For example, breathing in for 2 seconds, holding for 4, and breathing out for 6, to slow down our exhale breath).
4. Build Your Survival Kit
A “survival kit” of coping strategies helps you reset when distress is high. These may include sensory strategies—splashing cold water on your face, having a restorative shower, smelling hand-cream. Some individuals may benefit from releasing their thoughts and feelings, through sharing with a trusted support person, or journalling.
Others may wish to use distractions, particularly in the short term, until they are able to feel settled again – such as taking a brisk walk, listening to some music. Having these tools listed down before you need them can ensure you have a survival kit to choose from when times are tough.
5. Know When to Ask for Help
Sometimes storms are too strong to weather alone. If you notice frequent emotional reactions that feel out of proportion for the situation, urges to hurt yourself or others, or intense mood changes that feel unsettling, it may be time to seek professional support. Conditions such as mood disorders, hormonal imbalances, or the impact of childhood trauma can all contribute to emotional dysregulation, and a psychologist can work with you in such cases to develop tailored strategies.
Final Thoughts
We do not need to fear intense emotions, nor avoid them – if we know how to respond skilfully. If you need help with practice, self-awareness, or general support, get in touch with us, and we can help you move from being swept away by storms to navigating them with greater calm and clarity.
FAQs:
What does it mean to “manage intense emotions”?
Managing intense emotions means using strategies to calm yourself when feelings like anger, sadness, or anxiety feel overwhelming. It’s about responding thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.
Why do emotions sometimes feel so overwhelming?
Strong emotions can build when we’re tired, stressed, or triggered by past experiences. Our nervous system can shift into “survival mode,” making feelings harder to regulate.
What are DBT skills and how can they help with big emotions?
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) offers practical skills such as STOP and PLEASE, which teach you to pause, take care of your health, and respond more mindfully when emotions surge.
How can I identify my emotional triggers?
You can spot triggers by paying attention to situations where your emotions spike. Reflecting on whether you were hungry, tired, invalidated, or caught off guard helps uncover what sets off strong reactions.
When should I seek professional help for emotional regulation?
If emotions often feel unmanageable, you have urges to harm yourself, or mood swings disrupt daily life, professional support from a psychologist may be helpful.
