Relationships don’t stay still — and nor do the people in them. One useful way clinicians think about thriving partnerships is through the idea of self-expansion: partners feel closest when they’re learning, trying new things, and growing together. When daily life falls into predictable routines, novelty and shared challenge often disappear; so too can intimacy.
Couples therapy reframes this as an opportunity rather than a failure. Interventions that deliberately reintroduce novelty — shared projects, new activities, joint learning goals or even small rituals of curiosity — help partners “grow into” one another again.
From a psychiatric and psychological perspective, these moments of joint exploration stimulate positive emotion, shared memories and mutual competence, all of which strengthen attachment and the sense of partnership.
Practically, this can be as simple as scheduling a monthly “try something new” night, taking a class together, or setting a joint food-and-fitness challenge; the important ingredient is doing something that expands both partners’ sense of self while doing it as a pair.
What Really Happens in Couples Therapy? Busting Common Myths
Therapy for couples is often surrounded by myths: that it’s only for “broken” relationships, that it’s a place to assign blame, or that it will just rehash familiar fights. In reality, a good first session is largely an assessment and a planning conversation to make sure everyone is present. The therapist asks about your relationship history, patterns of conflict and what each partner wants to change; they also check for any mental-health or medical issues (for example, depression, anxiety, or substance use) that might be affecting the relationship.
Couples are guided to practise new ways of speaking and listening — not to score points but to be understood. Therapists use evidence-based tools (such as Emotion-Focused Therapy, behavioural communication exercises or structured problem-solving) tailored to your needs.
Confidentiality, neutrality and safety are core principles: therapy is not a tribunal but a contained space to experiment with different behaviours. If one partner is reluctant to attend, there are practical steps to consider — read our advice on what to do if your partner refuses to attend couples therapy. The goal is pragmatic: help you communicate more effectively, reduce hurt, and increase shared meaning — not to “fix” one person.
Money, Sex and Parenting: The Top 3 Topics Couples Argue About — And How Therapy Helps
Money, sex and parenting repeatedly surface as the top fault lines in many relationships. One study showed that “43 percent of couples had arguments about money, 41 percent about the children, and 38 percent about being too tired for sex.” However this doesn’t necessarily mean that these are inherently toxic topics, but often ones that stand in for deeper concerns.
Financial disagreements can tap into ideas about fairness, safety and control; mismatched sexual desire frequently reflects stress, shame or relationship distance; parenting clashes expose differences in values, upbringing. Therapy helps by separating the concrete problem (a bill, a mismatch in libido, a bedtime routine) from the emotional subtext beneath it.
For example, financial work in counselling doesn’t stop at budgets: it explores each partner’s money history, triggers and values, and builds rituals for transparency and shared goals (you can read more about our approach to couples counselling for financial stress here.
Sexual problems are approached sensitively, often combining psychoeducation, behavioural experiments and communication practice to rebuild desire and safety.
Parenting conflict is frequently treated with collaborative planning: therapists help partners co-create routines, division of labour and shared narratives that reduce daily friction. In every case, therapy reframes the couple as a team facing a shared problem, rather than opponents.
How to Set Your Relationship Up for Success in your Couples Therapy Session
The first session sets a tone. Showing up with a shared intention helps, even if that intention is simply “we want to stop fighting so much”. Practical preparation helps the therapist use the time well: each partner might jot down the top three patterns they want to change and one example of a recent argument to bring.
Expect the therapist to ask about relationship history, mental-health background, and what has helped or hindered in the past. Be ready for both listening and small tasks: many therapists ask couples to try a short communication exercise in session so they can observe patterns and give immediate feedback.
If there are safety concerns (domestic violence, significant substance misuse), be candid; therapists will shift to safety planning and individual work as needed.
Finally, consider logistics: agree on timing, whether sessions will be in-person or online, and whether you want partners to attend every session. Setting realistic expectations will help keep momentum and reduce disappointment. Remember that therapy is a process, not a quick fix.
Growth, Not Perfection
Couples therapy is not about declaring winners and losers and more about becoming co-authors of the next chapter of your relationship. Whether the problem is drift, recurring fights, or specific stressors like money or parenting, therapy reframes struggle as an invitation to learn together.
From a clinical viewpoint, working while referring to research-based methods (attachment theory, behavioural skills training, trauma-informed care when relevant) can restore safety and curiosity between partners.
If you’re considering couples work, think of it as a practical investment in your shared life: small changes in how you relate tend to compound into bigger shifts in intimacy and resilience.
If you want support getting started, our couples’ services at Positive Mind Works combine psychological expertise with practical tools — contact us to explore how therapy might help your relationship grow again.
FAQs:
What is couples therapy and how does it work?
Couples therapy is a structured, evidence-based process that helps partners improve communication, resolve conflict, and strengthen intimacy. A psychologist or counsellor guides the couple through practical tools such as communication exercises, shared goal setting, and new ways of managing stress.
Do you need to be in crisis to benefit from couples therapy?
Not at all. Many couples attend therapy to strengthen their relationship, build resilience, or simply feel closer again. Therapy is just as effective for prevention and growth as it is for addressing long-standing conflict.
My partner doesn’t want to attend therapy. Can I still get help?
Yes. Individual therapy can still be highly effective in shifting relationship patterns. Sometimes, one partner starting therapy is enough to create change. You can read more in our guide on what to do if your partner refuses to attend.
How long does couples therapy usually take?
It varies depending on the couple’s needs. Some partners notice improvements after just a few sessions, while others benefit from longer-term work. Typically, sessions are weekly or fortnightly, with progress reviewed as you go.
How do I know if couples therapy is right for us?
If you’re feeling stuck in repeating arguments, growing distant, or struggling to manage life stressors together, therapy can help. Think of it as an investment in your relationship — offering tools and insights that can last long after the sessions end.
