Bridging the Gap Imago Communication for Relationships

By Masha Broadbent – Relationship Counsellor at Positive Mind Works, based in Paihia..

Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Yet, despite its importance, many couples find it one of the hardest areas to navigate. When communication breaks down, misunderstandings pile up, conflicts go unresolved, emotional distance grows – and over time, even the strongest relationships can feel strained.

The way partners listen, express their needs, and respond to each other directly shapes the emotional climate between them. The good news? With conscious effort and the right tools – such as those offered in Imago Relationship Therapy – couples can rebuild their connection, strengthen intimacy, and restore mutual understanding.

Even with the best intentions, partners can fall into patterns that make it hard to truly hear and understand each other. Here’s some reasons why:

1. Lack of Active Listening

   Many of us listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. When this happens, the speaker can feel dismissed, invisible, or invalidated – leading to deeper hurt.

2. Unclear Expression of Needs

   Instead of saying, “I feel overwhelmed and need support,” one partner might lash out, sulk, or shut down. Over time, needs that aren’t clearly expressed become tangled in resentment and confusion.

3. Different Communication Styles

   Some people process emotions verbally and want to “talk it out” straight away; others need space and time. Without understanding these differences, partners can misinterpret each other’s needs, seeing withdrawal or insistence as a personal attack.

4. Defensiveness and Stonewalling

   When conversations become critical or heated, it’s human nature to defend yourself-or even shut down entirely (stonewalling). Unfortunately, these protective reactions often escalate disconnection instead of solving the problem.

5. Emotional Triggers from the Past

   Old wounds can resurface in present-day disagreements, making some reactions feel disproportionate to the moment.

6. Stress and Time Pressures

   Modern life pulls couples in many directions. When time and energy run low, deep conversations are often the first thing to go.

Imago Relationship Therapy provides a structured, safe, and compassionate approach for couples to communicate effectively, particularly when emotions are running high. One of its core tools is the Imago Dialogue, which helps partners move from reactivity to curiosity, from blame to empathy.

Here’s how it works:

1. Mirroring

   The listening partner reflects what the speaker says, word for word or in summary, to ensure they’ve truly heard and understood.
   “So what I’m hearing you say is that when I scroll on my phone during dinner, you feel ignored.”
   This technique helps eliminate assumptions, slows the conversation down and reduces miscommunication.

2. Validation

   After mirroring, the listener acknowledges that their partner’s experience makes sense, even if they don’t entirely agree with it.
   “That makes sense. If I were in your shoes, I might feel the same way.”
   This builds empathy and safety. Note that validation isn’t about agreeing; it’s about recognising that your partner’s perspective and feelings are real and worthy of understanding.

3. Empathy

   The final step is imagining what the speaker might be feeling.
   “I imagine that you might be feeling lonely, or even unimportant, when I do that.”
   This opens the heart and reconnects both partners emotionally.

• It turns conflict into an opportunity for connection.
• It fosters emotional safety, even when discussing complex topics.
• It helps partners feel truly seen, heard, and understood.
• It reestablishes the bond that often gets lost in long-term relationships or during periods of stress.

Rather than focusing on who’s “right” or “wrong,” Imago shifts the focus to understanding, healing, and creating a new relational dynamic based on partnership.

Communication struggles are normal, but they don’t have to be permanent. With tools like the Imago Dialogue, couples can shift from blame and frustration to empathy and partnership. It takes practice and patience, but the rewards are a lasting connection, deeper intimacy, and a renewed sense of “we’re in this together.”
I’m Masha, a relationship counsellor at Positive Mind Works, based in Paihia. If you and your partner are looking to reconnect, I offer Imago-informed couples counselling tailored to your unique journey.

🌟 Let’s rebuild your relationship – one conscious conversation at a time.